Breakups, whether it was your decision to split or not, are never fun. In fact, they’re the opposite of fun. They are often emotionally, mentally, even physically exhausting. And yes, they can make you feel depressed.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Reactions to a Breakup

You’ll have to take a dive into your emotions to determine whether you’re having a normal reaction to a split from a boyfriend or girlfriend, or if you’re instead having an unhealthy reaction that needs medical attention. Normal reactions include:

• Intense feelings of sadness

• Anger and frustration

• Loss of interest in school or work

• Difficulty sleeping and focusing

If you’re familiar with depression, you might notice that the above bullet points are symptoms of depression. Well, they’re also completely normal reactions to a breakup, as long as they improve over time. You should be more concerned if at least five of the following bullet points align with your current state of being and persist for two weeks or longer, as it meets the criteria for depression and might mean that you’re depressed:

• Intense feelings of sadness or hopelessness

• Loss of interest in the things you love and enjoy

• Significant changes in weight and/or appetite

• Feelings of worthlessness or self-loathing

• Difficulty sleeping

• Changes in activity levels

• Fatigue or loss of energy

• Difficult concentrating

• Suicidal thoughts or ideation.

How to Heal Properly After a Breakup:

We’re at a higher risk of becoming depressed after a breakup, but the good news is that we can take action to heal properly during this tough time. Kayce Hodos, Licensed Professional Counselor, is an expert on the matter and knows just how difficult a breakup can be. “A breakup can feel like the death of a loved one—or even worse because the loved one chose to leave you,” she says. But that’s not to say that no good can come from a breakup. Hodos explains how to find solid ground, build yourself back up, and thrive moving forward:

1. Give yourself permission to feel what you need to feel. 

“Grieving over the end of a relationship is supposed to be hard, so giving yourself permission to feel what you feel is step one. Think of what you typically do to cope with stress and make those strategies your priority. You may just feel like curling up under your favorite fuzzy blanket, so allow some time for this, but then make an effort to move forward.”  

2. Focus on self-improvement. 

 “Think of some personal and/or professional goals that have been on the backburner, and identify some steps you can take to get closer to making them happen. Spruce up that resume, research that trip you’ve always wanted to go on, start visualizing how you want your life to look—even if you have to fake it a little. You aren’t there yet, and you don’t even feel like yourself right now, BUT you can use your imagination, and you do still have dreams.  

3. Reflect on what the relationship taught you.

“At some point, you will begin to feel better. As the wounds heal, reflect for a bit on what the relationshiop taught you. What did you learn about yourself? What are you now aware of in terms of what you want in your next relationship? Even relationships that end weren’t all bad. Honor the good times, and find value in the not-so-good ones.”

Authors: 

Anthony Centore Ph.D. is Founder and CEO at Thriveworks--a counseling practice, focused on premium client care, with 80+ locations across the USA. He is Private Practice Consultant for the American Counseling Association, columnist for Counseling Today magazine, and Author of How to Thrive in Counseling Private Practice. Anthony is a multistate Licensed Professional Counselor and has been quoted in national media sources including The Boston Globe, Chicago Tribune, and CBS Sunday Morning.

Taylor Bennett is a staff writer at Thriveworks. She devotes herself to distributing important information about mental health and wellbeing, writing mental health news and self-improvement tips daily. Taylor received her bachelor’s degree in multimedia journalism, with minors in professional writing and leadership from Virginia Tech. She has published content on Thought Catalog, Odyssey, and The Traveling Parent.